Whenever possible, those in recovery are encouraged to make direct amends face-to-face with those they’d harmed while living in addiction. It’s possible to be too early in the healing journey to start making amends. If you’re actively using drugs or alcohol, making amends can seem like an empty gesture to the other person. While you may genuinely want to repair your relationships, it’s a good idea to focus on your sobriety first. For example, some people may require medically supervised detox as a first step, followed by residential alcohol treatment.

Relationship Journal Prompt Download

The script also aids in initiating the amends process with an outreach message to confirm if the person is open to receiving an apology. This makes the script a powerful tool for managing things in a structured, thoughtful, and sensitive manner. One very effective way to make amends is to go to treatment.

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In rare cases, making amends in recovery may inadvertently lead to further harm or negative consequences for the individual or the person receiving the amends. It’s crucial to consider the potential risks carefully and work closely with a sponsor or therapist to navigate these situations. Join our supportive sober community where each day becomes a step towards personal growth and lasting positive change.

Application Process

Individuals battling substance abuse can become different versions of themselves and make decisions or behave in ways that hurt their loved ones. Addiction is often isolating, which can make quitting difficult. With proper treatment, individuals can become sober and turn their lives around. living amends In a sober living house, members can transition out of treatment and adjust to their new substance-free lifestyle. They also have the opportunity to work on repairing their relationships with friends and family that may have been damaged because of their previous addiction struggles.

• Making amends is a pivotal part of the AA 12-step recovery process.
• You can’t erase the past, but with long-term sobriety, you can rebuild trust, repair relationships, and be close to your loved ones again.
• We came from very humble beginnings, and would love to tell you our story of success and recovery.
• Perhaps it is something you said or did while they were ill.
• However, that doesn’t mean you’ve failed at your new, honest and sober lifestyle.

Living amends refers to making promises to the people in your life whom you’ve wronged or who have hurt you. These promises focus on rebuilding your relationship with a loved one and moving forward from the pain of the past. David Kessler discusses a living amends in his latest book, Finding Meaning. In his book he shares the situation of a woman who has a fight with her brother.

The purpose of Step Nine is to acknowledge the harm caused during active addiction and to make it right with the people involved, as much as possible. Even though they have similarities, living amends are different than making amends. While making amends is apologizing, living amends means living a completely new, sober lifestyle, and being committed to that lifestyle for both yourself and those you’ve harmed in the past. It means that you’re not just using your words to show a change, your actions are proving this change as well.

The Science of Step 9 AA: How Making Amends Can Help

• Essentially, it means making a radical shift in the way you live and sticking to that.
• Forgiveness may not come on our timetable, but what gives us the right to set the timetable?
• We must refrain from deflecting responsibility onto others or justifying one’s harmful actions while expressing remorse, or it discounts the whole activity.
• With this option, the individual in recovery takes steps to improve their relationships and demonstrate their lifestyle change.
• If he specifically asks for my opinion, which he doesn’t, I will give it.

They may choose to make living amends by promising to change their ways and become more helpful to others. Maybe it is a fight you always thought you had time to resolve. Perhaps it is something you said or did while they were ill. Now, whether it is an apology, a want for forgiveness, or an amends, that person isn’t here and it makes it hard to imagine any of those things are possible. When someone is alive and you’ve hurt them, amends are more straightforward. You might go to that person and take responsibility for what you have done wrong, express you deep remorse, and ask what you can do to make it up to them.

Examples of lessons learned might include realizing the importance of timing, understanding the other person’s perspective, and recognizing when an apology is better left unsaid if it causes harm. The process of making amends can pose challenges and often trigger fears and anxieties. But remember, being intentional and realistic is a big part of making impulsive promises or actions.

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